The hard part is almost over. The feeling of going home is probably almost as good as the pay.
Time is relative right? I really can't even begin to visualize that it's been over 7 months going on 8. I know the first few blogs seemed like everything is going just fine and I'm out here having the time of my life. I know there were alot of people who thought "oh he's just out there taking pictures, He's got it easy". Well to end all conversation about that. It wasn't easy. Despite what you may or may not think. This is work. Just because i love doing it so much that it didn't seem like work to me does not make it a hobby or vacation. This is my artistic vision and passion project that i poured my heart and soul into. All i can hope for now that its almost done, is that it's complete. That I am satisfied with the outcome. I am doing this for myself after all.
I say hoping that it's complete is because I've always had this feeling with anything i've done, Whether it be a wedding, event, or commercial work. I will always carry that feeling of doubt, doubt that i did everything i could have done, Doubt that i didn't miss something. You'd think overtime that feeling would go away. I would somehow grow so accustomed to being content with my work that i would lose all doubts. It's not quite true. Call it the artist mentality if you will. I on the other hand like to think of it as "Always wanting to better myself".
I've always subtly or maybe not so subtle at times, Tried to one up everything. I've caught myself doing it jokingly with friends here and there. Someone comes up with a story to tell or the this cool thing they saw that day and I'll respond with something along the lines of "Oh yea i saw so and so, which is way cooer than your story". You could look at this as a bad way to approach things and maybe it is? Maybe it's a sign of insecurity. Although without this aspiration to "one up myself" all the time, I might not have been able to grow as a photographer. (mind blown huh?) You're probably wanting to know where i came up with this ludicrous train of thinking? Well Let me explain a little bit further.
What do you think you would do if you were completely content with the work you put out on a day to day basis? Let's take artistry out of the equation. Let's talk entry level jobs, If i were to work any type of customer service position per say and i was happy just doing the minimum to get through my day of work, Go home, sleep, and come back to do the same thing the next day? Does that sound like something you'd love to do for the rest of your life?
Last day of harvest at the main orchard location
Good thing for me, I was never content with that. Otherwise i'd be making the same images i was 6,7,8 years ago. I've gone back to images i made when i first started to get serious with my work and good thing i never delete any of my images. Seriously though i have 2 terabytes so far of images. It's pretty nice to see a progression or change in my images. This may be the only way i can satisfy my feeling of discontent. Always looking back at what you've done and knowing that you're better now than you were before. Even if it was only 8 months ago.